Listen up, prospective Art History PhDs: if you’re not out of here by mid-century, you could be in for a disaster of near-Biblical proporations. From the Voice’s doomsaying coverstory, re: the Manhattanville “bathtub:”

Imagine this scenario, based on Jacob’s research: It’s the year 2065, and Columbia University’s 17-acre West Harlem expansion is abuzz with activity. Students hurry through rainfall along a tree-lined promenade overlooking the Hudson. In a biotechnology lab nearby, scientists are engineering lethal pathogens to respond to the next generation of infectious diseases and bioterrorist threats. Deep down below, engineering majors use the future version of Facebook to instant-message their friends.

Warnings, meanwhile, are steadily being broadcast about an oncoming storm. A Category 2 hurricane with 110-mile-an-hour winds is barreling down on the city—a more frequent occurrence than in decades past. New Yorkers have become familiar with the drill: They evacuate to local shelters set up by the city’s Office of Emergency Management. Over several hours, the Hudson rises 10 feet, flooding the waterfront promenade and the rest of the campus. Many, but perhaps not all, have heeded warnings to leave the deep basement. Damage will be extensive and exorbitantly expensive. And some of the sprawling labs that contain biohazardous material may become another kind of floating threat to the city.

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Or just stay as green as we already are. I’m not sure I agree with the e-board’s conclusion that Columbia is a couple PR campaigns away from turning into Al Gore’s wonderland. The problem is that consumption is an American obsession, and recycling is an afterthought. And unless the institution visibly leads the way on sustainability (I think a solar array on top of Pupin would be a nice start), the recycling center in the Lerner lobby will fade into the background–regardless of how many emails student government sends us.

And speaking of micro-level solutions to macro-level problems. Macro-level problem: the decaying Middle Eastern (and dare I say it, global) state system. Micro-level solution: split the region into a loosely-connected network of micro-states! Spring break in Baluchistan, anyone?

Put a fork in him. Do you get the sense Wayne Barrett has been waiting like, six years to write this column? And do you get the sense he’s been waiting like, six years to finally whip out the E-word?

And put a fork in him. This means we’ll never have to watch, listen to, talk about, blog about, read about, or think about Mitt Romney ever again. Thank fucking God.

InstaZen: “Wednesday evening’s performance of the Chinese New Year Splendorat Radio City Music Hall was a “memorable experience,” said Moshe and Brenda Tener of Manhattan. ‘The performance is excellent. The show is beautiful, and the dancing is a pleasure to watch,’ said Brenda, a social worker.” (The article’s headline: “The dancing was incredible, says Columbia Professor”)

The Village Voice’s office must resemble 1020 on a Thursday right about now. Because today is the first in almost two years in which it can safely be said that Rudy Giuliani will never become president. Of course this wasn’t the case a week and a half ago, when lefty muckraker Wayne Barrett unearthed the following tidbit about America’s Mayor’s New York delegate list:

There are plenty of eyebrow-raising delegates on Giuliani’s slate as well. Former Staten Island borough president Guy Molinari is a co-chair of the state Giuliani committee. He and his lobbying partner, Robert Scamardella, are running for delegate and alternate despite the fact that they represented Interstate Industrial, the allegedly mob-tied company at the very center of the Bernie Kerik scandal. So is Jonathan Ballan, the longtime law partner of Liberal Party boss Ray Harding, whose son Russell was convicted of looting hundreds of thousands of dollars from the city agency he ran.

In a throwback to the golden age of machine politics, Giuliani failed to purge his campaign of any and all mafia and/or Bernard Kerick ties, indeed rewarding those who didhave such ties and prioritizing loyalty above practically everything else. This doesn’t just reflect Giuliani slightly frightening attitude towards law and order–it also reflects the overall sloppiness of his presidential run, although he deserves some credit for preventing these little, unsavory facts from sinking his campaign. Although he didn’t need much help with that now did he?

More Village Voice. More Vampire Weekend. You could skip this one, but I suggest you don’t: it’s as good an assessment of the VW phenomenon as any you’ll read.

Ignore the postmodern language. Which makes me want to gouge my eyes out. Nevertheless, a strong attack on the Solomon amendment, as well as a provocative counterpoint to the Spec’s surprising ROTC endorsement from earlier this week.