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Monday, March 3, 2008

Lovesong for the Wonderboy

By: The Commentariat at 12:51 am

2007-09-20_112241.jpgAmerican politics is a dog and pony show of the lowest order. Despite the worldwide coverage our presidential elections generate, the attention is hardly deserved. It’s not rocket science; it’s not even political science.

The high-minded among us would like the democratic process to be a contest of ideologies fought in the halls of power. Instead, a presidential campaign is a bare-knuncle brawl between two beauty queens with enornous sums of cash and a legion of expensive stylists. Are you smarter than a 5th Grader? If so, try to tone it down. All that fancy policy talk won’t fly at the Iowa State Fair or Koop’s Frozen Custard.

How do I know? I worked on the frontlines of the 2004 presidential race in Seattle, Washington. Seattle is the most educated city in the United States, where more than 25 percent of residents have at least a bachelors degree. It’s also one of the bluest enclaves on the West Coast. In spite of these fact I heard an unimaginable litany of irrational, inarticulate reasons why people were voting for George W. Bush and why they couldn’t stand John Kerry. Ideas had nothing to do with it.

Pop quiz: how did the Kennedy clan first make its money? If you answered bootlegging and other questionable activities, you are a winner. While we love the notion of Camelot or the image of John F. Kennedy Jr. saluting his father’s casket, the reality of our politician’s private lives is something different entirely. We should be distrustful of any person who claims to want to lead us, but instead we follow politicians like sunflowers in the early morning light.

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Tags: Clinton, Emotion, Hilary Clinton, Obama, absurdity, decision '08, economy, education, elections, events, fear and loathing, ideas, lies, love, mendacity, phalluses, politics

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Phallus (Ph)olly on campus

By: Vesal Yazdi at 5:01 pm

022308001623.jpg

On a dark and icy weeknight, when you have a whole heap of ice in front of you, what else does one think of doing on one’s study break?

The most productive thing, of course, would be to entertain yourself in the most homo-erotic way possible. In other words, snowmen are for little nancies, while making artificial snow cocks are for testosterone-overloaded, sexually-frustrated Columbia men. There was however, another culprit involved–a sadly misinformed NYU girl who obviously thought that, having been caught making large snow penises in Union Square, she could actually get away with making one at Columbia.

However, the ever-watchful, all-protecting Columbia Public Safety team (who are never there when you need them most) came rushing forward, no doubt giggling behind the backs of the culprits, to ask for the destruction of the great phallic structure. And so their study break ended and they returned to their little alcove in Butler…

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Tags: phalluses

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