It’s no secret that CC Alum and Illinois Senator Barack Obama isn’t too eager to show his face at 116th and Broadway. Far be it for Fair Alma to stand for such disloyalty. Her revenge this weekend was as swift as it was quietly spectacular–literary even, based as it is on the ironic fact that the farther Obama gets from Morningside Heights, the closer it seems to get to him.

This weekend’s news cycle was marked by two interrelated setbacks for the Obama campaign, one brought on by an overzealous newsmedia, the other by the candidate’s astounding lack of common sense. The first was the LA Times’ irresponsible piece on the Obamas’ “connection” to pro-Palestinian academics and activists, an article based more on a vulturous (and not to mention culturally and politically insensitive) concept of guilt-by-association than on the candidate’s actual policy positions or personal beliefs. The second was Obama’s pop-psychoanalysis of small-town America, an unfathomably insulting statement on par with Howard Dean’s infamous “Confederate flag” gaffe back in 2003.

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A confession, readers: I’ve been blankly staring at my monitor for the past five minutes, wondering how (and whether) I can squeeze a couple paragraphs of Commentariat-quality analysis out of today’s Spec news offerings. Nothing’s coming. Worse still, the only thing even remotely worth writing about is last night’s farcical GSSC impeachment, which, like any gossip item, is probably best avoided by publications of the Commentariat’s caliber.

One could argue that the GSSC’s at least theoretical impact on the lives of its constituency makes this latest spate of juvenile behavior at least a little newsworthy. But the issue of student council reform transcends the dozen or so idiots who felt some inextinguishable need to impeach Niko Cunningham. So it’s enough to say that these people are idiots (and holy shit are they idiots) and leave it at that. For now.

So what’s today’s big news? The Pulitzer Prize ceremony on May 29th, of course. The Dylan lifetime achievement award is a brilliant ploy–an attempt to coax one of the world’s great enigmatic geniuses into a soul-baring acceptance speech from which there will be no escape. The ceremony will probably be invitation only, but screw that: any ideas on sneaking into Low? That don’t involve the 6-inch crawlspace underneath Kent?