This Shit is Weird, Election Edition

[So here's where things stand, election junkies: Obama's up in every swing state that matters, McCain just wasted his October surprise on the Ayers row, and TRN has already elected Obama as president. But just because the race is less interesting doesn't mean it's gotten any less strange. Noah Baron reports. -Ed.]

In 2004, massive internet (and with it, youth) support made Howard Dean seem to be almost undefeatable. This, of course, fell through, but the end of the Dean campaign didn’t spell the end of internet organizing.

For the 2008 primaries, Barack Obama (now the Democratic nominee, for those of you living under a rock), raised a record $32 million—just in January! Of that, $28 million (nearly 88%) came from online donations.

In the Republican race, Ron Paul raised $4 million in individual internet donations on one day, setting yet another record. Yeah, he didn’t win, but, um, that’s a lot of money, especially for the Republican Dennis Kucinich.

As the role of the internet in politics grows greater and greater, so, too, do the number of people and organizations who come up with fun, frightening, creative, or just plain weird ways of supporting their candidate.

Here’s a collection of some of those ridiculous things I’ve found.

1. “I’ve Got a Crush on [Candidate]”

While most people have heard of Obama Girl, some may be surprised (and amused) to hear that she inspired quite a few imitators, including Hillary Boy and, of course the song I’ve Got a Crush on My VP. There used to be something along the lines of I’ve Got a Crush on Huckabee, but it seems that YouTube removed it. Alas.

1. The Chuck Norris Ad

This ad has been widely credited with the success that the Huckabee campaign had. It seems, however, despite Chuck Norris telling America “how it’s gonna be”, we just weren’t ready for a President who wanted to quarantine everyone who is HIV-positive.

1. The Great Schlep

It seems like the Jewish people have yet to jump on the Blame-Nader-for-2000 bandwagon, because this time some of us are doing our utmost to make it up to America. Sarah Silverman, starring in a marginally-funny-yet-possibly-very-offensive-but-to-black-people-not-Jews-so-it’s-totally-not-okay video, threatens to “blame the Jews” if Barack Obama doesn’t win the election (she’s Jewish so it’s totally okay). She urges young American Jews to go visit their grandparents in Florida (a swing state, again) and convince them to vote for Obama. And she invents the word “douchenozzle”.

1. The Barack Obama Youth

So this is, quite frankly, one of the most terrifying things I’ve seen in a while. I’m sure they don’t mean to scare me, but my heart can’t help but to skip a beat when I see people in military uniforms. Marching around. Making funny gestures with their arms. Shouting at me about the policies of a leader. A leader who they really really like. Also, they spelled “Barack” wrong. Oops.

1. The 7-Eleven Election

Apparently (I haven’t been to a 7-Eleven since this past summer) 7-Eleven has decided to be a good corporate citizen and conduct a national poll. You vote for either Barack Obama or John McCain (because there aren’t any other candidates running, duh) by buying a cup of coffee with your preferred candidate’s name on it. Somehow, the corporation keeps track of how many of each candidate’s cups have been bought, and they put the results in a big colorful map on the internet. Nationally, Obama leads by about 6 points (this correlates with actual polling data). In Texas, Obama leads by 8 points (this doesn’t correlate with actual polling data). In conclusion, it’s probably not very accurate, but it’s interesting to see.

1. MyDebates

MySpace partnered up with some other corporation to create MyDebates. The website has a streaming video feed of the presidential debates, surveys, and lots of fun data to look at. The userbase is obviously biased (Barack Obama: 57%; John McCain: 24%), but that’s not my biggest issue with website. Not only does it pretend that Obama and McCain are the only two candidates in the race, but the choices for its survey questions are ridiculous. For example, on the same-sex marriage issue, the choices are:

* “Support the Defense of Marriage Act, which defines marriage as the legal union between one man and one woman. Do not take a position on civil unions for same-sex couples.”
* “Repeal the Defense of Marriage Act, which defines marriage as the legal union between one man and one woman. Support civil unions for same-sex couples.”
* “Neither”
* “I haven’t decided yet”

I hope I don’t have to explain what’s wrong with this, but I’ll do so anyway. First, it makes it appear as if there are only two legitimate positions to hold on the issue. Second, “Neither” is presented, selecting that option renders one’s opinion entirely invalid, because one could disagree and hold either a position on the far-left or the far-right. Third, the issue of same-sex marriage is complicated, and can’t be boiled down to support or opposition to the Defense of Marriage Act (which, by the way, is unconstitutional twice over – the 14th Amendment and the Privileges and Immunities Clause). Lastly, of course, is the most obvious problem: the policy choices for “same-sex marriage” don’t actually list “same-sex marriage” as an option. Oops. Thanks, MySpace.

Or let’s take the issue of immigration:

* “Secure the country’s borders immediately before considering additional policy reform”
* “We should not act hastily. Border security is only effective if used in conjunction with broader policy reform.”

These options are, of course, meaningless. “broader policy reform” could mean anything from cutting off legal immigration entirely and building a giant wall around the US to getting rid of all barriers to immigration and granting amnesty to everyone. Perhaps these options, of course, are simply reflective of the positions of the candidates (i.e. purposefully vague). Yet anyone who actually goes to Obama’s website and reads the blurb he has about immigration could learn way more way faster. And, of course, God forbid there should be any options besides the ones that are radically centrist.

1. Nailin’ Palin

I heard a rumor about this – supposedly porn being made about Sarah Palin – and then accidentally ran across the website. I closed it in horror (there is a picture of two people having sex with Palin’s, and, yes, McCain’s heads obviously photoshopped on). I can’t find it again. The McCain campaign probably issued a cease-and-desist, and rightly so. Really, you don’t want to see it.