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Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Super Wednesday’s Super Pop Smut

By: Joanna Sloame at 5:52 pm

So in honor of the day after Super Tuesday (and the fact that those of us who live in Wein were FINALLY where it was at for the first time ever), I’d like to make your dose of celebrity crap lean and mean today. But first I’d like to acknowledge that it is thoroughly embarrassing to go register to vote and have no idea what your dorm address is.

Firstly, I love it when pretty people make complete asses out of themselves. Case in point: the lovely Katie Reese, the former Miss Nevada who took pictures of her friend biting her nipple at a bar. Apparently last night cops pulled her over for speeding and then found that she was driving with a suspended license and expired tags.

Ok, fine, everybody speeds and I can never condemn laziness because going to the DMV is possibly one of the worst things ever. However, she then apparently got a little feisty and started hitting and kicking the po-po who wouldn’t let her drive off. Soooo she spends the night behind bars. Her mug shot makes me feel so much better about my CUID picture being splashed all over the security desk flat screen ten times a day. More importantly, when is the L.A.P.D going to start hiring retouch artists for celebrity mug shots? Celebs should carry their headshots around with them so when they (inevitably) get arrested, they have some hot over-the-shoulder-make-love-to-the-camera 8×10s to distribute and autograph.

On a lighter note, Rihanna is now officially selling umbrellas. Honey, umbrellas are meant to be bought from a street vendor, have broken within a week and be left in a dark corner of a bar. I’m going to admit, I love that infectious little song, but honestly, who sings about umbrellas?! I thought that was bad enough, but now she has seriously taken this whole celebrities making themselves into brands thing a little too far. Britney’s “Curious” perfume smelled like a hall bathroom on a Sunday morning and I thought our country had hit an all-time low when we found out Bush can’t properly speak the English language, but Jessica Simpson coming out with a line of wigs made me seriously considering moving to Canada after graduation.

Stay tuned for more rainy day rants…

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Tags: Spec Opinion, Uncategorized, absurdity, celebrities, column, sex

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